Developing Products with SEL: At What Cost Are We Ignoring Emotional Growth?

Looking over my first grader’s report card, I was surprised to see that despite having a “Guidance Class” — essentially a class focused on Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) — there was no grade or evaluation included for it.

If you’ve ever spent time with a seven-year-old, you know they’re in the thick of their formative years for social and emotional development. I was excited about the curriculum, but confused by the lack of feedback. It made me wonder: in the rush to meet academic targets, are we neglecting something more foundational — and perhaps more urgent?

There’s no shortage of research or real-world examples showing that kids are struggling to build meaningful interpersonal skills and manage their emotions. The blame gets passed around — pandemic-era isolation, rising screen fatigue, social regression — but the reality is that many children are showing up in classrooms carrying a kind of emotional debt.

Naturally, schools are trying to address it. So for those of us who build educational products, the question becomes: What does it actually take to create tools that truly support SEL? And more importantly, what are we sacrificing in the name of speed, screen time, or even innovation?

Across the board, institutions are placing more emphasis on SEL. There are more weekly classes, digital tools, and guidance sessions than ever before. Schools are also getting better at identifying which students need help, thanks to improved assessments and screenings.

But here’s the challenge: schools are identifying problems faster than they can actually address them.

Let’s witness the real costs and opportunities of getting SEL right.

Why SEL Is a Must-Have (And Why That Alone Isn’t Enough)

As Jason Kahn, developmental psychologist and co-founder of an SEL gaming platform, puts it: “It can feel like trying to teach a kid to ride a bike from a book.” Many kids are pushed into the real world with emotional toolkits built from occasional counseling sessions or classroom lessons taught once a week. Unsurprisingly, these don’t stick.

So institutions are trying everything: trauma-informed practices, morning meetings, mindfulness minutes, advisory periods, even gamified emotional check-ins. The result? A toolkit that’s often broad but shallow. It may raise awareness, but it doesn’t build a concrete foundation.

The Hidden Cost of Overloading Schools

Schools are doing what they can. Teachers are being trained in SEL, guidance counselors are stretched thin, and administrators are buying curriculum after curriculum, hoping something lands. But here’s the rub: as schools push harder to close academic gaps, they are simultaneously eating into the time needed to build social skills.

More worksheets. Less play.

More remediation. Fewer relationship-building opportunities.

This imbalance isn’t just anecdotal. Kids are spending less unstructured time with peers, even outside of school. SEL isn’t only compensating for pandemic-era setbacks, it’s also competing with a lifestyle shift where digital replaces physical, and structure replaces spontaneity.

Designing for Real Impact: Gamification vs. Therapeutic Play

Now here’s the real challenge for product developers: kids don’t need another app. They need experiences that feel real, rewarding, and relevant to how they naturally learn.

Take games. Most educational games reward repetition: memorize this, tap that, level up. But therapeutic impact doesn’t come from drilling breathing exercises like flashcards. It comes from embedding regulation into the play itself.

As Kahn points out, “We make emotional regulation a controller in the game.” In one example, a racing game becomes harder when the child loses emotional control. The game doesn’t instruct them to breathe. It creates an environment where staying calm equals better performance.

This is not gamification. This is play. The difference? Gamification adds points. Play demands mastery.

Too many SEL tools lean on surface-level engagement. They get kids to click, but not to reflect. If you’re building SEL products, ask yourself: Does this invite curiosity or just compliance?

The Role of Data and Why It’s Still a Mess

Academic learning has standards. SEL doesn’t. This makes progress hard to measure and harder to share with parents or justify to stakeholders.

Some schools are beginning to explore more nuanced measures like child flourishing indices, which look at curiosity, focus, and emotional regulation. But these are exceptions, not norms.

Worse, the field evolves fast. Definitions of core concepts like ADHD and emotional dysregulation have shifted in just the last few years. Districts are left to chase a moving target without clear state guidance or funding alignment. That’s a risk for any product developer in this space.

So if you’re building SEL tools, consider this your call to design with flexibility. Build for the now, but plan for constant recalibration.

Screen Time Isn’t the Enemy. It’s Part of the Equation.

Parents and teachers are ready for a simpler way. Ready to move beyond juggling multiple platforms to track a child’s progress. Ready for a solution that integrates learning without adding to screen time overload?

SEL products that demand screen time need to justify their place. And that means being intentional.

SEL on a screen isn’t inherently bad. But if your product can’t clearly differentiate between entertainment and therapeutic value, you’re not adding any real support.

What’s Next: Shifting the Focus to Parents and Policy

Two major barriers will shape the future of SEL products:

Policy

Digital mental health tools aren’t reimbursed consistently across the U.S. Some states cover them. Others don’t. Until reimbursement and funding catch up, scalability remains limited.

Parent Support:

Kids don’t exist in a vacuum. Parents and caregivers often feel isolated or out of their depth. The next evolution of SEL tools must support them too, not just with access, but with shared language, clear insights, and community.

SEL can’t just be a kid-facing intervention. It must become a whole-family strategy.

So… at What Cost?

When we skip SEL or settle for shallow solutions, we pay in other ways. Rising behavioral issues, lost instructional time, anxious kids, or even overwhelmed teachers.

But investing in SEL isn’t about soft skills anymore. It’s about infrastructure. About designing tools that help kids navigate life’s chaos with resilience. About giving schools something they can actually use. About building not just products, but better humans.

And yes, that’s worth every penny.